A Reversed Broken Heart

close the doors, shut up the windows,

because the dark is the only place i shine,

what no one sees no one will know,

so shut your face and just be mine.

lock up your heart as you lock the door,

because my intentions are worse then they were before,

no one imagine i could be like this,

if only if they would have got to know me more.

pull me close but don't pull me in,

stop asking me about tomorrow,

I'm not here for years, I'm here for now,

so love me before i say goodbye again. 

its all or nothing, im not looking for your love,

you'll never love me and i won't love you,

its this broken heart i have to rise above,

thats what i need you for, not your love.

ill never cry another tear,

never live with that fear,

now my heart sneers,

away from love it steers.

this is my reversed broken heart,

bruised from the start,

its my time to put up a fight,

its time to tear them apart

there goes my hero, watch him as he goes

the struggles of a teenagers these days. the drugs, the sex, the achohol the things that old people read about and shutter... the things that i read about and shutter. but recently i read a book that made the everyday struggles of today's teens seem like child's play. what book could this be? "In My Hands" it is a nonfiction story about a rescuer in the holocaust. this girl, Irene Gut was doing things when she was only 16, that i can't even fathom doing ever! she was a young Polish girl when the war began, and heck she was still young when it ended. but she was a smuggler of Jews, when in that time someone that was even thought to be helping Jews could be KILLED. she deceived her master, hide a dozen Jews in the officer she works for house. she made numerous sacrifices for these Jews that did absolutely nothing to deserve her grace. many of the people she helped, whether it be sneaking them food, or smuggling them into the forest to hide out, she didn't even know them. they weren't childhood friends of hers, they didn't even live in the same town as her. but yet she felt that it was her duty to save them from dying a wrongful death. i wish more people now days were like Irene Gut, she did good because it was the right thing to do, not because it would get her a tax write off. she did the things she did because she knew what the German's were doing was wrong and because although she was only a 16 year old girl, she had to made a difference. Irene Gut is my new hero, she was my age, risking her life to save other people and she did just that. she saved numerous people and if i can accomplish only half the amazing things in my life as she did in hers. i would be amazing. i think that more people should read this book. its a inspiring book about the troubles of the past of the world. it gives you a new look into the horrors of the holocaust, you get to read about the sadistic terrors of hitler and his army. you get to see the things they didn't teach you in 8th grade holocaust section.
well thats all i have today.
these have been thoughts from katy's brain. :)

ANIMAL TESTING: a sadistic crime YOU are supporting

i think that maybe i was a hippy in a past life.... er more realistically i have been listening to nevershoutnever to much. ( but hey who could blame me :]) then it hit me, we will never reach world peace. because the moment the world is at peace is the moment it seizes to exist. there will always be some third world countries at war. so why don't we end things that are more of a possibility? like say END ANIMAL TESTING!! some of the things PETA comes up with, ill admit are a little... bizarre. but animal testing is one that i think is absolutely wrong! bunnies don't wear mascara! so don't pin them down and force it on them! urgh. as a part of this new found hatred and awareness of this sadistic crime, i decided that i was going to throw away all products that are made by companies that do animal testing. i was shocked and sadden by the fact that i would have to throw out 99% of my make up, my shampoo and conditioner, my toothpaste and all my hair products... well on a search for new products that don't torture animals for the pleasure of society i stumbled across some brands to stay away from when looking for new products!
-covergirl
-pantene (why i had to dispose of all my hair products)
-colgate (TOOTHPASTE SERIOUSLY!)
those are the big companies that i have found so far.
PS mary kay DOES NOT animal test if you were wondering

Your the boy every girl wants to dance with and I'm the girl who has had to many chances.

so my feelings for you are completely mixed.. sometimes i love you and other times i kinda whanna shot you in the face. this morning is one of those shot you in the face mornings. ok i understand that you are all popular and stuff and maybe im not as popular as a lot of people. but you don't have to shun my like im some nasty whore. trust me i've seen some of the girls you have been with and im definitely not THAT bad.. ugh you are a completely waste of my time and energy. Ans sure when we met you actually liked me and you flirted with me like there was no other girl on the planet. and i pushed you away becasue i didn't like you and that you were a nasty douche bag... well now i know that i wasnt to far off.  because you only like little stanky girls that have absolutely no self respect What SO EVER! so i will be over at my house, waiting for a guy that has more decency then you will ever have. have a nice life

Love Always
Katy

"this heart beats for only you"

ok so there is a slight chance that I am completely delusional. seriously the idea is very arguable. you know why? because i fell in love with you. and now my life is like a heart break country song. your dark eyes definitely dared me with danger. and yet i still hold on even though deep in my heart i know that this will only end in heart break. and then i will write some poetry and cry myself to sleep a couple nights. and yet i can't control it. i wish... I WISH i could have prevented this from happening. you know why? because you are a different kind of guy. different in not always a good way. your a little what i like to call a PLAYER! you break girls hearts and you don't care. you just dumped a girl because she wouldn't sleep with you. and yet i LOVE you still. sometimes the mere thought of you repulses me. i love you yet i loathe you is it even possible to have those kind of feeling mushed together. in a nut shell i am soooo confused. i just want to be with someone that is mature enough to be the kind of person i need him to be. but i don't think you have the ability.. i just now that somewhere between. Talon Falls, music and rides in your car.. i fell in love with you... and it is the most painful kind of love i have ever felt.

just me tlking about things ppl don't care about

oo me so i was looking at this blog and i was like dang ya'll r gunna think im some kinda crazy emo kid. which im not i am actually a pretty happy person. one happy thing that i am completely stoked about is DRAMA club. see last year i moved to a new school and was horrified to find out that they didn't have a drama club or program!! what is up with that right?? well i got this idea in my head that i was going to make/found one. well i talked to my friend ryan about it, cuz he loves drama to, and he said it was a waste of my time and he already tried. well my friends i would like to inform you that not only did we get THREE teachers to sponsor when most clubs have one to two teacher but we held a sign up yesterday and we got 60 kids to sign up, now 60 kids might not seem like much to some, but our school is small and 60 kids in one club is AMAZING! and i am super stoked about it. second thing i am pretty friggen excited about is the new season of Dexter starts soon! ahhh so many exciting things to little time. well school is going fine and desperately trying and yet tragically failing at learning to play guitar. i learned all the chords but i can't transition my fingers fast enough! blah! i have a vocab test today in my english 3 class that i did not study for. sooooo that is how thats about to go down. and i am super stoked that my mac let me get on my blog today cuz yesterday it didn't. so thats all im not emo and my life is pretty boring.. or maybe average boring

katybelle

if trials passed as fast as the years

high school..... how many of you just cringed? I did and I am the one writing this. So many things happen in high school that make you want to hit your head REALLY hard and just forget it all. Well that happens to me so often. Old(er) people say that high school goes by so fast that it will be gone before you know it. So I got a question what if the trials we have in high school passed as fast as the years. But life isn't that fair. Life is hard, karma is a jerk, and people are brutally mean. And most of us high school goers begin to hate whoever came up with this whole "high school" thing. I walk through the halls of Reidland High School every single day and I see so much crap. Most of which I avoid with all cost. But what I see most of all are chameleons. Everyone wants to blend in, and the ones that have the balls to say "hey I'm different and if you don't like it you can suck it!" are the ones who are made fun of and labeled weird. I want this to change, I want people to have the courage to be who they really are. For the love of cheese, is that so hard? It's not that hard, matter of fact I did it yesterday I was talking to a friend in Algebra 2 class about music this is our conversation: 
"Hey what kinda music ya listen to?" -Her
"Ummm a lot but mostly punk and country you?" -Me
"I like stuff like Lady Gaga" -Her
"O have you ever heard of Radiohead or Tegan and Sara? I like them a alot." -Me
"ummm no" -Her
"here i play you some"  *play Fake Plastic Trees* -Me
"this is like..... weird" -Her 
"really i like it a lot" -Me 
"mmmkk" -Her
*starts a different conversation about school cafeteria school food*
See it is not that hard one of my philosophies in life is I'd rather you hate me for something I am then like me for something I am not. 
Soo there is not much to this blog.. just a rant about the retardness of high school.
love katy 

why i am pro choice

The first thing people say when i say i am pro choice is "OMG you kill babies!!" no i do not believe in killing babies that is morbid and wrong. Abortion is something that i feel strongly about, i feel strongly about alot of things tho. I come from a broken home my mother was not able neither physical nor emotionally equipped for children. And who payed the price for her having children her? No, us and the state due to the fact that i have been in foster care due to the fact i've been in since i was 2. but see the problem is that there are thousands!!! THOUSANDS! of children that are in or from broken homes. So i think it is easy to say that their are some people that do not need to be parents. now to address the "killing babies" deal. ABORTION IS NOT KILLING BABIES!! that is what overly cocky people say without having the facts. A fetus is not considered a living human baby until it takes it first breath of air. ( and as a side note it they do not have human rights until that point either) So the terminating of a fetus is not killing a baby because it is not even considered a baby. And lie all controversial subjects everyone believes differently. This is what I believe. So my opinion doesn't necessarily have to be the same of yours but please before you go off on a person for being pro choice no the facts.
katy

A lonely broken heart

Cutters... how many people when reading that the cuts on their body started burning. There is one simple question asked when this subject is brought up. Why? To be honest I don't think some of the people that cut themselves know that answer. Some people say it is just a habit they started long ago they want to stop but they just can't any more. Cutting is a addiction for them. Others say it is a release, a way to release all the stress they are feeling. They don't believe they can tell people the troubles there are having. Most people think people who cut are unhappy, dark, and quiet people. But there are others. I know a girl, she seems like the happiest girl in the world. She smiles constantly, she laughs with all her heart. But the one thing she never tells a soul. That is at night when all her friends are gone.. there is no one to act for. She is dying. She is dying for a hand to hold, someone to listen to all her worries and thoughts and not judge her for the way she thinks. She cries intil tears mean nothing to her. Then she has a idea. The first time she tries cutting she is to scared and it is even to shallow to bleed. But as the months pass they grow deeper. She likes the pain the razor makes when it goes across her skin. She feels better afterwards and cutting seems to mask all her other pains at least for the night so she can sleep better. She is a lost lonely soul. She goes on like this for many years. Sometimes she thinks she no longer needs the friend she has made in her razor and she gives it up. But it is only a matter of time before she is on her bed again crying and screaming for someone or something to listen. So she picks up her razor again.. I don't know what to tell her, all I do is be there for her. I know she still cuts and I am honored and yet burdened that she decided to share a little piece of her heart... her lonely broken heart.

so the next time you see a girl and she looks as care free as the other guy.. think to yourself, are they truly happy are just a good actor? 

The Girl With A Number

I'm looking through the looking glass,

my moist eyes linger on 7 little girls,

barely the age of 10,

and yet so used so broken so bruised,

but they don't cry they just stare idly at the television,

all besides one,

the little girl with the number that read 1 4 6,

this little girl she stared at me with the intensity of a fire,

and with tears rolling down my face freely,

she begins to baffle me,

I look at the faces of the other six girls,

scared, questioning, bored, defeated..

but this girl she shows none of these,

her face fierce, staring back at us with piercing eyes,

the eyes of this little girl are strong,

she wants answers, 

she is not defeated,

the world has dealt her a bad hand of cards,

but she has not given up the game,

she is ready to take the world on,

with new found strength,

with a worldly knowledge only few know,

this little girl will no longer be hurt by this cruel world,

the girl with the number 146 has won a game that kills so many.