Today was the day I feel out of love with you

well the title is a little misleading. I still love him. But something changed today. Well I guess something has been changing. I dont even want to see him anymore. Because it hurts knowing he will never want me or love me the way I love him. Something switched. Or changed. Used to when I thought of him I would smile, my eyes would shine, people said I would glow. But now.... I dont think it shows. If anythings shows its the hurt. The hurt of a first love dead before it had the chance to truly life. He said something once, something along the lines of "Why does God put wonderful people in my life then take them away." Well, Daniel I ask God a similar question. All these years I have wished and prayed for love. Someone that knows me inside and out and still will be there. That is you. Its shocking how well you know me... yet you are still here day after day. I ask God why he would put something that I have wanted and wished for my ENTIRE life... Put him there right in front of me, dangling him infront of me like a carrot teasing a donkey. God makes my eyes see that Daniel is everything that I want and need. Then tell me I can not have him. He took him away with out making him leave. With out letting me leave. 

I just really miss you

I just left you. It has literally been less than 24 hours since the last time I saw you. But God I miss you. I went to Kentucky you went to Ohio. I was suppose to go with you. Meet your family, your friends, see your childhood home. But that did not work out. So I climbed in Hayleys car. Tried not to think what I would be doing if I was in the car with you. I would be sitting shotgun next to you. Country music on the radio. You would be singing, so would I. I would be smiling. Because I feel so 100% content in these moments. These moments when I forget what we really are. Those are the moments when I am like... I could actually see myself living everyday with you. Forever. If I could sit everyday at your side, just you and me sitting in your car listening to George Straight, I would. I've never felt this way before. Fully in love with a person. Despite his flaws. But this is not a happy post. This is not a "Oh yay Katy finally found love" type of post. This is a Katy fell head over heels in love with her best friend. Who does not love her. Who has someone else. Someone that she has to see, and hear about every. single. day. I have to pretend that it does not matter to me. That it doesn't absolutely KILL me when you said that you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with them. I remember when you told me that. For the first time sitting on the bench out side of my dorm room. My heart literally broke. But even as my heart was weeping. I smiled for you. If not but to prove that it doesn't hurt me. And maybe because I know you will never want me and if I can't have you I want you to be the happiest you can be with whoever makes you that way. But... I just can't get over the fact I wish it was me. I guess its selfish that I still havent gotten over it. Or maybe I just want you to see how completely in love with you I am. Maybe if you can see how much I love you then you will choose me over them. But I wish that and I know it will never happen. I'm a hot mess. Right now. I just really miss you Daniel. I just really fucking miss you. 

The Hand You Hold

When your down, I mean really down. You tend to dig yourself a hole and just sit there. And that is fine, I had my own hole once and I thought I would never leave. So when your in this hole I know you do not want to leave. You want to be there in the darkness for a while. But when I reach down my hand into your darkness... I do not want to help you out. Not until you are ready to get up. I'm not giving you a hand up, I'm simply giving you a hand to hold.

My School Spirit

Katy Gibson 

Reidland High School 

April 2012 

First off I’ll start off with the college that I chose, Western Kentucky University in Bowling Green, Ky. If you want to know a little secret WKU was NOT my first college choice! Matter a fact I was dead set on going to University of Louisville for a very long time. I visited the campus many of times, even talked to admissions. But just something about that campus didn’t feel right. Not only that but their departments for my major choices were a little lacking. That’s why I was so impressed with WKU because although it wasn’t, it seemed from the first campus visit that this school was tailer made for ME! 

Let’s start with my majors where at Louisville their theatre program well didn’t even exist, WKU has a award winning (And more importantly career winning) program.  Not only did they pass for my first major by flying colors but my second major also! (I’ve decided to double major in Journalism and Theatre.) Whenever I told my admissions counselor that I wanted to major in Journalism, she nearly fell out of her seat! “Western has a top in the line communications department, one of the very best in the state!” Then she went on to exclaim that this was most definitely the college for me if I wanted to excel in both of my majors. Which of course I do, and that’s the reason that I choose Western. 

High School was a challenge for me, not so much academically but more just trying to get by. We all have to find who we are, and on the path to doing so I was VERY self conscious. By about the middle of my junior year it hit me. I don’t have to impress these people! So why have I struggled for YEARS to fit in and be a part of them? With that struggle out of the way I’m sure to hit the ground in a full out sprint once I move into my dorm come August. 

So to give you one last look at why I already love my school and more importantly why I absolutely need this scholarship.  My school is tailer fit to set me soundly on the fast track to success. Both of my programs are fast paced which will keep me focused and motivated to do the very best I possibly can. Last but certainly not least. Is that I need this scholarship. Growing up in the foster system I have always been extremely determined to make a better life for myself. And college is the first step to that process. Growing up from home to home I’ve never really had much. I have a little money saved from working at the local dirt race track the past couple summers, but that will  barely cover my books. I need this scholarship. Now I’m not going to give up on college completely if I don’t get it. I’m way to strong and determined for that. But if you choose to award me with this scholarship you will be that much needed aid to help me on my first steps to my future success and happiness. 


This <a href="http://www.centurylinkquote.com/scholarship">scholarship</a> is sponsored by <a href="http://www.centurylinkquote.com/">CenturyLinkQuote.com</a>.

"And I'll find peace at the bottom of real tall cold drink!"

power.
you have it over me.
i have no will power.
you will be the death of me.
i love you with everything i have.
every time you climb in your truck.
smile/nod goodbye.
i smile and wave.
i wish you could see what you do to me.
how you make me.
you make me crazy.
not the good way either.
when i found out she was still around.
i went off the deep end.
i thought you were leaving her.
yet another lie.
can't say im surprised.
i know.
i KNOW you can't be with me.
i just don't want you with her!
be with anyone,
be alone,
just don't be with her.
you can't love her.
if you did.
you wouldn't have me.
i wouldn't be writing this.
and my heart wouldn't be on the floor,
tear stained and trampled...

I Refuse To Be Buried In Your Legacy

This is my life.
I will not back down.
I will not settle for anything less the perfect.
I won't be stuck in Kentucky for my life.
I won't live and die in this zip code.
there is a world out there.
and I'm going to take it by storm. 
I refuse to live with regrets.
I won't regret taking this route.
this is my dream.
if you don't like it.
suck it up.
I'm going do something more.
then stay at home and take care of kids.
this is my one shot.
I'm going to take it.
and give it all I got.
I won't let you stand in my way.
keep me here in your little pocket.
stuck in your little world.
I won't.
I refuse to.
this is my legacy in the making.
this is my time to make it.
I won't be buried alive in yours. 

Paper Airplanes

paper air planes,

floating through the sky,

always leaving but never saying goodbye,

tiny lost paper plane,

where has your life went?

in the end when your crash will you find it well spent?

lonely little airplane,

you want to stay but your heart makes you go,

you loved him so much, but never told him so,

broken little airplane,

it’s been so long since you’ve been loved,

but the pain isn’t something your heart can rise above, 

naive piece of paper,

he said he loved you and you thought it true,

stupid, stupid girl he was meant to use you,

pretty pretty plane,

thought you were different but your the same,

tried to place it on someone else but your the blame,

strange paper plane,

always had friends but never fit in,

endlessly waiting for your life to begin,

plane plane go away,

searched and searched for a place you belong,

never found it even when its been this long?

paper air plane,

why are you still here?

your afraid to leave but what’s to fear,

fly paper airplane fly,

it’s what your made to do,

spread your wings and soar through the wide blue.