I just really miss you

I just left you. It has literally been less than 24 hours since the last time I saw you. But God I miss you. I went to Kentucky you went to Ohio. I was suppose to go with you. Meet your family, your friends, see your childhood home. But that did not work out. So I climbed in Hayleys car. Tried not to think what I would be doing if I was in the car with you. I would be sitting shotgun next to you. Country music on the radio. You would be singing, so would I. I would be smiling. Because I feel so 100% content in these moments. These moments when I forget what we really are. Those are the moments when I am like... I could actually see myself living everyday with you. Forever. If I could sit everyday at your side, just you and me sitting in your car listening to George Straight, I would. I've never felt this way before. Fully in love with a person. Despite his flaws. But this is not a happy post. This is not a "Oh yay Katy finally found love" type of post. This is a Katy fell head over heels in love with her best friend. Who does not love her. Who has someone else. Someone that she has to see, and hear about every. single. day. I have to pretend that it does not matter to me. That it doesn't absolutely KILL me when you said that you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with them. I remember when you told me that. For the first time sitting on the bench out side of my dorm room. My heart literally broke. But even as my heart was weeping. I smiled for you. If not but to prove that it doesn't hurt me. And maybe because I know you will never want me and if I can't have you I want you to be the happiest you can be with whoever makes you that way. But... I just can't get over the fact I wish it was me. I guess its selfish that I still havent gotten over it. Or maybe I just want you to see how completely in love with you I am. Maybe if you can see how much I love you then you will choose me over them. But I wish that and I know it will never happen. I'm a hot mess. Right now. I just really miss you Daniel. I just really fucking miss you.